Don't know I I avoid writing in this thing. Writing about my feelings has never been my strong point. But here goes. We have come a long way with our move process. My husband said they gave him his paperwork for living in the barracks, so we know now that he has a place to stay when he comes back here to California. He is doing his medical for retirement and he has a lot of appointments in the next couple of weeks. So today he is getting an MRI on his knee. Funny, cause I didn't know he had anything wrong with his knee, but after talking with his doc, they wanted to check it out. I am wondering about his wrist that is swelling and the sore that won't go away more though.
I don't know why I am having my stupid appointments for a GI doc and an orthopedic doc right before i leave. I hope they can help me right now, cause I don't have the time for this. My mind is racing to get things done. My PCM thinks I may have Irritible Bowel Disease and that may be why my ankles are swelling and hurting. I hope that is the case. Seems to fit though.
My daughter I am worried about though. I hope she is not going to have many more problems with this move. Since she was dx with anxiety and of course cause her mother has it, she is going to worry a lot more than others. She is fidgeting a lot more than usual, and picking at her scabs and tooth she feels is loose. She is asking a lot more questions and wanting to spend more time with me. She is really clingy right now and wants to be with me all the time even though she says she loves Dad more, lol. Even though I get mad at her a lot for being this way. I would handle it better if she wasn't constantly crowding me. I know she is more anxious now of the unknown, and i talk alot to her about it. Because I know if I don't, her symptoms will be a lot worse, and I will get a call from her school every day to go get her because she is dizzy or throwing up. No one knows what I go through with her. And thanks everyone for the support and telling me to relax, breathe and take things slow, but that is all i am doing right now. I could be panicking or reacting like i used to, but i am different. I wish people could see that. But that is not the point.
Devin is stressed and having a hard time understand why I had mother-daughter time with her for 2 days and why I am spending more time with her. I know he understands, and he gets tired of me saying that he is the older one. So he gets jealous a lot of her, and tries to take it out on her by hurting her or teasing or irritating her. I know how to handle that with my kids. That is the easy part. I think I discipline them very well. Devin has to wash the dishes by hand now, since he doesn't want to rinse them off to put them in the dishwasher. I opened it up and found a whole mess of food in there. We already went through one dishwasher because of that, and the last time, it was fixed with running bleach in there and then vinegar. But next time, they are going to make us pay for it. So I spend a while teaching him how to do them by hand. I was going to tell him the other day that we can switch up his chore with something else, but he didn't want to hear what i had to say, so I changed my mind. He will learn some day. I also told him that with each chore, he has to spend at least 30 minutes doing it, if not more to get it done. So if there is not much dishes, he has to find something else to do for that chore until the 30 minutes is up whether it is cleaning out the cuboards or stacking the dishes better or scrubbing the sink. Cause he wants to rush through it and make careless mistakes. That was the word of the day for him. And if he fails to do it properly, I add on 15 min. That ought to show him how pissed i was.
So anyways, back with the move. I am not anywhere near done preparing for this as I want to be. I have things that pop in my head that I have not done yet. I have my list of things to do, but it seems to get longer as I remember. My husbands work schedule has changed again. He goes at 1:30-2pm and gets off around 11:30pm. Comes home around 12:30 am. I like this better, but wish i had another pair of hands. I try to explain to the kids that one of us has to work to make money. I know my youngest doesn't understand this and wants him home all the time. She has severe anxiety issues. I might seek a therapist for her when we get settled in Texas. I am just glad that I don't have to deal with anxiety or dizziness. The last time I felt that way was Dec. 2010 and am thankful that it went away, but it is affecting my little girl. I have had it since I was a teenager, but she has had it since 9 months old! At least I can tell her how to deal with it. She will know my little secrets how to control anxiety. I am such an expert on that now, lol.
Gosh, I am often getting distracting with things, cause I noticed that in the last paragraph i was going to talk about the move again and I ended up talking about something else. I guess my subconscious thoughts are showing up. I know we will get through this part. The next stage in our moving process is what i am worried about. The finding a job and getting kids into school. Will I be able to find a job or will be living in poverty? My kids have never experienced this and don't want them to. I just hope I am able to handle it. But like someone said, you will be surprised at what can happen in a stressful situation. Everything will work out. Can't stop thinking also that we will have double the bills after we move because my husband will be in California on the base living in the barracks and we will be in Texas. They said they are taking away his food money and giving him a chow card. wow. Then also, we will be paying for double the gas, his groceries, our groceries, his cell phone, ours, and everything else he needs. I hope he will let me know what he takes out.Well, I think I will end this now, hope you all have a good day!
