Well, my anxiety is coming back and I don't know why. I realized it is not because of what I am thinking...I just seem to have the genes for it. I have it when I am really tired and don't get enough sleep. If only I could get to bed in time. It is not that easy. After the kids go to bed, and if they go to bed on time at 8pm, I have to clean up the mess downstairs..The dogs toys, any mess that the kids made, the dishes, etc. I would have the kids clean up their mess every single time, but when it is close to bed, I just don't do it. It is very frustrating. It is like we are rushing to go to bed all the time. Then when I finally sit down at the computer at night, I don't get to enjoy it or play any games..it is just checking my email mostly. Sometimes I just dawdle on there, cause I am so tired. Then before I know it, it is way past my bedtime. So I know the reason why I am so scared of my anxiety. It feels so frightening at the time! It makes you feel nervous, even though there is nothing to be nervous about. Then you start thinking about it all the time because you feel it. It just goes in circles. I notice this because I haven't had it for at least a month, which is a blessing for me. And now that I go into a store or walk out in puplic I start to feel it and I don't know why. Tiredness. And I can't tell anyone cause I know they won't understand. I don't want their sympathy. Anyways, that is what is bugging me right now.
I had to whip Devins' butt today because of his freaking attitude and giving me back-talk. Last night he hit his sister and she fell. Just because (I guess) she hit him, he felt he had to hit her. He said that he isn't going to let her hit him and him not hit her back..Urg. He is freaking 11 years old, and she is 6. He needs to stop taking it in his hands and tell me about it, first of all. 2nd of all, he is much older than her and she is just learning. He needs to stop acting like he is so tough. Anyways, these kids are getting too spoiled and getting away with things, it was long overdue. I hate when my friends kids get away with acting like a brat and like they don't know any better and get away with it. My son got hit by someone else son and also got his nose rubbed in the carpet (called a head plant?, whatever) and he gets away with it! Urg. These stupid parents. I went over there because my son has a big knot on the side of his face and red marks or skid marks on his nose like he got in a bike accident and she does NOTHING about it! Doesn't even talk to him while we were there. Makes Devin feel like shit and makes him feel like it is his fault. Oh, Devin, so what do you think I should do? Bullshit. Now he really feels like he was respected then. Well, even though he is his best friend, he is not going over there without one of us. I had to make that hard decision. She says oh it is his only friend. He never invites anyone else over. Well if he wants to keep his only friend, then he better treat him right, and he already lost that.
Well, I better end this and do some things around the house..have to go to Walmart with Terrie after I pick up Jess..can't wait till dad gets home on Friday. He said that they might extend it a couple days though. That is the navy for ya. Always doing that at the last minute.
